Life seems to be changing so much and so fast, that it only seems right that my "learning curve" might be just a bit off. Nothing seems to be staying the same and the holidays are certainly no different.
I have noticed that there are alot of folks that are experiencing this same thing. Its hard to explain, but I'll try. I love preparing for Christmas and all that goes with that, but it all seems a bit hollow in some ways. I was truly blessed that a friend from church reminded me that Christmas doesn't start the day after Halloween and that Advent(which starts right after Thanksgiving) is a season of preparation for Christmas. Preparation doesn't mean just layering a bunch of tinsel on your house, but digging deep to "clean house". Starting with getting rid of the "junk" in our lives and ending with some real soul searching. Yikes!
We may be able to flip a switch for the Christmas tree lights to come on, but our hearts don't have a switch. We have to be responsible for searching, preparing and praying our way to Christmas.
This year I seem to be needing all three of those in huge amounts. I think that all this celebration and excitement should be year round. I feel hypocritical to do so much in such a short amount of time and deglect the same activities and people for the rest of the year.
I need to feel connected to family year round. I need to feel a sense of celebration about life on a daily basis. I want to keep growing in anticipation of Jesus in my heart everyday.
Coming from a gal who use to be likened to Martha Stewart, I feel no need for the "stuff" this year. I want my family close to me as much as possible and I want peace in my heart and in those around me. I want to enjoy friendship and laughter as often as possible and I want to grow in my knowledge of God's word.
So I guess I have a pretty big lists of wants this year after all!! But I'm not going to find them at the Mall and I'll probably need to get most of them on my own. Deep down I know that only I can make the changes I need to feel able to truly say------Merry Christmas!
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Monday, December 12, 2011
I didn't THINK it was a scam.
OK guys your gonna love this one---AND you may learn something! I did!
I've been thinking doing some work for "secret shopper" or something like that for years. Sounds fun--easy money and I have a good friend who had done it for years and said it was a good "extra" money project.
Finally responded to one of these companies online and started to communicate some very general info about me and how to get started. They were very polite and not intrusive---always insisted that I NEVER use any of my own money in any way on any assignment! See, I thought, very professional!
Finally get the assignment to use a western union location and grade them on appearance-professionality-service--ect.........sounded ok.
They send me a HUGE money order and tell me to cash it at my bank--take my fee out--send the rest to a dude in the Phillipines. THE PHILLIPINES?????!!!!! WHAT THE?
The manager I had emailed back and forth with had a New Jersey address, so I got scared! Called my above mentioned friend and she said STOP ITS A SCAM!!!!!!!
Seems your bank will cash it on the spot but finds out in a few days its a fraud and they hold you responsible for the amount. BOO! By that time all the rest of the money is sent back to the scammers! Boo!
My friend says call the FBI. I call the FBI in OKC and a snotty lady says--why didnt you call the Norman office. Sorry--I didnt know about the Norman office BECAUSE I'VE NEVER CALLED THE FBI!!!!!
Norman FBI guy was a sweetie! Gave me a web site to file a complaint and was so happy that I didnt lose any money. Me too! Nothing says Merry Christmas like almost getting hit with a scam!
Wheww!
I've been thinking doing some work for "secret shopper" or something like that for years. Sounds fun--easy money and I have a good friend who had done it for years and said it was a good "extra" money project.
Finally responded to one of these companies online and started to communicate some very general info about me and how to get started. They were very polite and not intrusive---always insisted that I NEVER use any of my own money in any way on any assignment! See, I thought, very professional!
Finally get the assignment to use a western union location and grade them on appearance-professionality-service--ect.........sounded ok.
They send me a HUGE money order and tell me to cash it at my bank--take my fee out--send the rest to a dude in the Phillipines. THE PHILLIPINES?????!!!!! WHAT THE?
The manager I had emailed back and forth with had a New Jersey address, so I got scared! Called my above mentioned friend and she said STOP ITS A SCAM!!!!!!!
Seems your bank will cash it on the spot but finds out in a few days its a fraud and they hold you responsible for the amount. BOO! By that time all the rest of the money is sent back to the scammers! Boo!
My friend says call the FBI. I call the FBI in OKC and a snotty lady says--why didnt you call the Norman office. Sorry--I didnt know about the Norman office BECAUSE I'VE NEVER CALLED THE FBI!!!!!
Norman FBI guy was a sweetie! Gave me a web site to file a complaint and was so happy that I didnt lose any money. Me too! Nothing says Merry Christmas like almost getting hit with a scam!
Wheww!
Friday, December 2, 2011
Funeral--Realizations--Reality
Traveled back to my home town yesterday to attend the funeral of an old and dear friend. A few familar faces and a bunch that were vaguely familar looked back at me all afternoon. We were gathered together by the love we had for our friend--a guy who was the one you always wanted to sit by. Never judged you. Always encouraged you. Could make you laugh even when you didn't want to. And you knew he'd be there if you needed anything--especially if it was just someone to listen .
But the experience of returning to my hometown has become such a surreal event for me when I do get back there. Almost nothing looks the same. I can't remember the names of streets or how to get to places. Everyone I talk to remembers me and I feel like a patient on an Ahlzheimers ward. I dont remember many of them--or at least not their names.
I think I've figured out alot of what has happened to me--and I did most of this to myself. I have come to the conclusion that if you have too many "start overs" or "reinventions" of your self in your lifetime , it starts to "wash away" some of the clarity in your mind.
I have "reinvented" myself to survive divorce, failures and pain all through my life and frankly I thought I was pretty amazing that I could use this ability to make it through one after another crappy situation. I thought I had a remarkable skill that made it possible for me to "bounce back" from anything over and over and over and over and over..........I think you get my point.
But I see now that with too many bounces, I have lost pieces of me along the way--maybe not lost completely--maybe just "put away" where I can't find them. I looked at so many faces yesterday and I put names with a few--a memory or two with others and complete blankness with many. I felt so little.
I passed by the open casket as we left the church and saw the body of my friend of my youth. He did not look like what I remembered and I realized even though he was dead, none of us looked like we did in our youth. That was gone, not just the appearance of youth but the feeling of joy that went with it. Too much pain is a thief. We are robbed of what makes us beautiful and it is not cosmetic. I have been robbed of that easy ability to feel and express what I feel.
Maybe I've shut things down too far and too long to go back to "normal", maybe just realizing this will put me back on track, maybe my writing will help as it did when I was in my youth with so many hopes and dreams.
But the experience of returning to my hometown has become such a surreal event for me when I do get back there. Almost nothing looks the same. I can't remember the names of streets or how to get to places. Everyone I talk to remembers me and I feel like a patient on an Ahlzheimers ward. I dont remember many of them--or at least not their names.
I think I've figured out alot of what has happened to me--and I did most of this to myself. I have come to the conclusion that if you have too many "start overs" or "reinventions" of your self in your lifetime , it starts to "wash away" some of the clarity in your mind.
I have "reinvented" myself to survive divorce, failures and pain all through my life and frankly I thought I was pretty amazing that I could use this ability to make it through one after another crappy situation. I thought I had a remarkable skill that made it possible for me to "bounce back" from anything over and over and over and over and over..........I think you get my point.
But I see now that with too many bounces, I have lost pieces of me along the way--maybe not lost completely--maybe just "put away" where I can't find them. I looked at so many faces yesterday and I put names with a few--a memory or two with others and complete blankness with many. I felt so little.
I passed by the open casket as we left the church and saw the body of my friend of my youth. He did not look like what I remembered and I realized even though he was dead, none of us looked like we did in our youth. That was gone, not just the appearance of youth but the feeling of joy that went with it. Too much pain is a thief. We are robbed of what makes us beautiful and it is not cosmetic. I have been robbed of that easy ability to feel and express what I feel.
Maybe I've shut things down too far and too long to go back to "normal", maybe just realizing this will put me back on track, maybe my writing will help as it did when I was in my youth with so many hopes and dreams.
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