Looking back over the last few days, maybe even the last week, I have done my fair share of "counseling". Children, friends, friends of children and even the occasional stranger (ok the stranger didn't need couseling-she just asked me which lipstick looked better at Wal Mart!).
Do not think for a second that believe I have all the answers, or any answers---ok I'm not even sure what the question was!! But my stand when it comes to advice is be truthful--even if it hurts a little.
I don't mind a superficial complement to get thru a little chit chat, but real talk among real friends requires guts. Have the guts to say what you think. Have the guts to be truthful with a friend. Have the guts to take the tough advice when its coming at you.
Too many people are quick to take the "none of my business" attitude and privacy is hard to come by these days, but we were all put here on this planet to help one another thru our journey. Take a chance and care enough to listen, pray and tell people how you see things.
I think the world has more than its share of "yes men". We don't need to hear "yes" all the time, we need the truth.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Friday, January 6, 2012
Over-Analization--how you mock me! Grrr.
My dad always said that I was my own worst enemy. I thought he was just kinda copping out to a real answer, but as uaual, he was right.
Don't get me wrong--thinking things thru is still the best bet and I've missed the mark a few dozen times where that is concerned, but seriously.
Why is it that some of us get stuff stuck in our heads like a dog with a big ol' bone. This goes hand in hand with my no-worry zone resolution. Make a decsion and go on....really! Everyone does realize at this point that this is fully intended TO myself FROM myself? Right?
The only thing worse than someone talking to themselves, is involving others in that interal dialogue---its called internal for a reason! (but I digress!)
Thought for today and everyday--Do what you can for yourself and your loved ones in the best way you can and then go on with life--never understood that whole Carpe Diem thing.
Maybe now I do.
Don't get me wrong--thinking things thru is still the best bet and I've missed the mark a few dozen times where that is concerned, but seriously.
Why is it that some of us get stuff stuck in our heads like a dog with a big ol' bone. This goes hand in hand with my no-worry zone resolution. Make a decsion and go on....really! Everyone does realize at this point that this is fully intended TO myself FROM myself? Right?
The only thing worse than someone talking to themselves, is involving others in that interal dialogue---its called internal for a reason! (but I digress!)
Thought for today and everyday--Do what you can for yourself and your loved ones in the best way you can and then go on with life--never understood that whole Carpe Diem thing.
Maybe now I do.
Monday, January 2, 2012
My New Year Resolution---I hope.
I don't think I have ever been real serious about the whole New Years resolution thing. It always seemed that it was a bit of a jinx for anything you really wanted to accomplish! Sorta like the reseason rankings for football teams--its the kiss of death!
But I knew I had some serious mental/spiritual issues going on for quite some time now and denial (although one of my favorite talents I have locked on to in later years) was not gonna do it for me this time. Not without a possible trip to the funny farm (I guess I better scrap that phrase since Missy wants to be a physcologist)!
Anyhoo, I admit whole heartedly that I have locked on to "worry" like it is my drug of choice!! It sucks. If I am sitting in traffic--I worry. If I wake up in the middle of the night--I worry. If I am sitting and watching TV--I worry. Get the picture? Its my go to. And it has interferred with my ability to have joy in my life for quite a while now.
But something a priest talked about one day at Mass kept coming back to me over and over. He has a horrible fear of flying and had come to the realization that worrying about it wasnt going to keep that plane in the air. Trust in science--trust the pilot--really trust God.....and GET on the plane.
Now I know what I have to do because worry isn't going to keep my kids safe, add money to thier bank account(or mine!),get my daughter into the college of her dreams, make my husband happy at his job,take 5 inches off my waist or any number of things I keep on that damn worry list!
I am going to start practising what I preach to those who listen to me(scarry huh?) The kids at my Confirmation class, my children and the friends I have that think I have a brain(I love you guys!). I am going to remeber the words of Psalms I saw on FB the other day--"When I am afraid, I will trust in You". (It is a good thing that scripture found Facebook or was it the other way around?) Thats what worry is for me, fear. And I'm tired of being afraid.
"When I am afraid, I will trust in You." Ps 56:3
But I knew I had some serious mental/spiritual issues going on for quite some time now and denial (although one of my favorite talents I have locked on to in later years) was not gonna do it for me this time. Not without a possible trip to the funny farm (I guess I better scrap that phrase since Missy wants to be a physcologist)!
Anyhoo, I admit whole heartedly that I have locked on to "worry" like it is my drug of choice!! It sucks. If I am sitting in traffic--I worry. If I wake up in the middle of the night--I worry. If I am sitting and watching TV--I worry. Get the picture? Its my go to. And it has interferred with my ability to have joy in my life for quite a while now.
But something a priest talked about one day at Mass kept coming back to me over and over. He has a horrible fear of flying and had come to the realization that worrying about it wasnt going to keep that plane in the air. Trust in science--trust the pilot--really trust God.....and GET on the plane.
Now I know what I have to do because worry isn't going to keep my kids safe, add money to thier bank account(or mine!),get my daughter into the college of her dreams, make my husband happy at his job,take 5 inches off my waist or any number of things I keep on that damn worry list!
I am going to start practising what I preach to those who listen to me(scarry huh?) The kids at my Confirmation class, my children and the friends I have that think I have a brain(I love you guys!). I am going to remeber the words of Psalms I saw on FB the other day--"When I am afraid, I will trust in You". (It is a good thing that scripture found Facebook or was it the other way around?) Thats what worry is for me, fear. And I'm tired of being afraid.
"When I am afraid, I will trust in You." Ps 56:3
Saturday, December 17, 2011
My Christmas of learning.
Life seems to be changing so much and so fast, that it only seems right that my "learning curve" might be just a bit off. Nothing seems to be staying the same and the holidays are certainly no different.
I have noticed that there are alot of folks that are experiencing this same thing. Its hard to explain, but I'll try. I love preparing for Christmas and all that goes with that, but it all seems a bit hollow in some ways. I was truly blessed that a friend from church reminded me that Christmas doesn't start the day after Halloween and that Advent(which starts right after Thanksgiving) is a season of preparation for Christmas. Preparation doesn't mean just layering a bunch of tinsel on your house, but digging deep to "clean house". Starting with getting rid of the "junk" in our lives and ending with some real soul searching. Yikes!
We may be able to flip a switch for the Christmas tree lights to come on, but our hearts don't have a switch. We have to be responsible for searching, preparing and praying our way to Christmas.
This year I seem to be needing all three of those in huge amounts. I think that all this celebration and excitement should be year round. I feel hypocritical to do so much in such a short amount of time and deglect the same activities and people for the rest of the year.
I need to feel connected to family year round. I need to feel a sense of celebration about life on a daily basis. I want to keep growing in anticipation of Jesus in my heart everyday.
Coming from a gal who use to be likened to Martha Stewart, I feel no need for the "stuff" this year. I want my family close to me as much as possible and I want peace in my heart and in those around me. I want to enjoy friendship and laughter as often as possible and I want to grow in my knowledge of God's word.
So I guess I have a pretty big lists of wants this year after all!! But I'm not going to find them at the Mall and I'll probably need to get most of them on my own. Deep down I know that only I can make the changes I need to feel able to truly say------Merry Christmas!
I have noticed that there are alot of folks that are experiencing this same thing. Its hard to explain, but I'll try. I love preparing for Christmas and all that goes with that, but it all seems a bit hollow in some ways. I was truly blessed that a friend from church reminded me that Christmas doesn't start the day after Halloween and that Advent(which starts right after Thanksgiving) is a season of preparation for Christmas. Preparation doesn't mean just layering a bunch of tinsel on your house, but digging deep to "clean house". Starting with getting rid of the "junk" in our lives and ending with some real soul searching. Yikes!
We may be able to flip a switch for the Christmas tree lights to come on, but our hearts don't have a switch. We have to be responsible for searching, preparing and praying our way to Christmas.
This year I seem to be needing all three of those in huge amounts. I think that all this celebration and excitement should be year round. I feel hypocritical to do so much in such a short amount of time and deglect the same activities and people for the rest of the year.
I need to feel connected to family year round. I need to feel a sense of celebration about life on a daily basis. I want to keep growing in anticipation of Jesus in my heart everyday.
Coming from a gal who use to be likened to Martha Stewart, I feel no need for the "stuff" this year. I want my family close to me as much as possible and I want peace in my heart and in those around me. I want to enjoy friendship and laughter as often as possible and I want to grow in my knowledge of God's word.
So I guess I have a pretty big lists of wants this year after all!! But I'm not going to find them at the Mall and I'll probably need to get most of them on my own. Deep down I know that only I can make the changes I need to feel able to truly say------Merry Christmas!
Monday, December 12, 2011
I didn't THINK it was a scam.
OK guys your gonna love this one---AND you may learn something! I did!
I've been thinking doing some work for "secret shopper" or something like that for years. Sounds fun--easy money and I have a good friend who had done it for years and said it was a good "extra" money project.
Finally responded to one of these companies online and started to communicate some very general info about me and how to get started. They were very polite and not intrusive---always insisted that I NEVER use any of my own money in any way on any assignment! See, I thought, very professional!
Finally get the assignment to use a western union location and grade them on appearance-professionality-service--ect.........sounded ok.
They send me a HUGE money order and tell me to cash it at my bank--take my fee out--send the rest to a dude in the Phillipines. THE PHILLIPINES?????!!!!! WHAT THE?
The manager I had emailed back and forth with had a New Jersey address, so I got scared! Called my above mentioned friend and she said STOP ITS A SCAM!!!!!!!
Seems your bank will cash it on the spot but finds out in a few days its a fraud and they hold you responsible for the amount. BOO! By that time all the rest of the money is sent back to the scammers! Boo!
My friend says call the FBI. I call the FBI in OKC and a snotty lady says--why didnt you call the Norman office. Sorry--I didnt know about the Norman office BECAUSE I'VE NEVER CALLED THE FBI!!!!!
Norman FBI guy was a sweetie! Gave me a web site to file a complaint and was so happy that I didnt lose any money. Me too! Nothing says Merry Christmas like almost getting hit with a scam!
Wheww!
I've been thinking doing some work for "secret shopper" or something like that for years. Sounds fun--easy money and I have a good friend who had done it for years and said it was a good "extra" money project.
Finally responded to one of these companies online and started to communicate some very general info about me and how to get started. They were very polite and not intrusive---always insisted that I NEVER use any of my own money in any way on any assignment! See, I thought, very professional!
Finally get the assignment to use a western union location and grade them on appearance-professionality-service--ect.........sounded ok.
They send me a HUGE money order and tell me to cash it at my bank--take my fee out--send the rest to a dude in the Phillipines. THE PHILLIPINES?????!!!!! WHAT THE?
The manager I had emailed back and forth with had a New Jersey address, so I got scared! Called my above mentioned friend and she said STOP ITS A SCAM!!!!!!!
Seems your bank will cash it on the spot but finds out in a few days its a fraud and they hold you responsible for the amount. BOO! By that time all the rest of the money is sent back to the scammers! Boo!
My friend says call the FBI. I call the FBI in OKC and a snotty lady says--why didnt you call the Norman office. Sorry--I didnt know about the Norman office BECAUSE I'VE NEVER CALLED THE FBI!!!!!
Norman FBI guy was a sweetie! Gave me a web site to file a complaint and was so happy that I didnt lose any money. Me too! Nothing says Merry Christmas like almost getting hit with a scam!
Wheww!
Friday, December 2, 2011
Funeral--Realizations--Reality
Traveled back to my home town yesterday to attend the funeral of an old and dear friend. A few familar faces and a bunch that were vaguely familar looked back at me all afternoon. We were gathered together by the love we had for our friend--a guy who was the one you always wanted to sit by. Never judged you. Always encouraged you. Could make you laugh even when you didn't want to. And you knew he'd be there if you needed anything--especially if it was just someone to listen .
But the experience of returning to my hometown has become such a surreal event for me when I do get back there. Almost nothing looks the same. I can't remember the names of streets or how to get to places. Everyone I talk to remembers me and I feel like a patient on an Ahlzheimers ward. I dont remember many of them--or at least not their names.
I think I've figured out alot of what has happened to me--and I did most of this to myself. I have come to the conclusion that if you have too many "start overs" or "reinventions" of your self in your lifetime , it starts to "wash away" some of the clarity in your mind.
I have "reinvented" myself to survive divorce, failures and pain all through my life and frankly I thought I was pretty amazing that I could use this ability to make it through one after another crappy situation. I thought I had a remarkable skill that made it possible for me to "bounce back" from anything over and over and over and over and over..........I think you get my point.
But I see now that with too many bounces, I have lost pieces of me along the way--maybe not lost completely--maybe just "put away" where I can't find them. I looked at so many faces yesterday and I put names with a few--a memory or two with others and complete blankness with many. I felt so little.
I passed by the open casket as we left the church and saw the body of my friend of my youth. He did not look like what I remembered and I realized even though he was dead, none of us looked like we did in our youth. That was gone, not just the appearance of youth but the feeling of joy that went with it. Too much pain is a thief. We are robbed of what makes us beautiful and it is not cosmetic. I have been robbed of that easy ability to feel and express what I feel.
Maybe I've shut things down too far and too long to go back to "normal", maybe just realizing this will put me back on track, maybe my writing will help as it did when I was in my youth with so many hopes and dreams.
But the experience of returning to my hometown has become such a surreal event for me when I do get back there. Almost nothing looks the same. I can't remember the names of streets or how to get to places. Everyone I talk to remembers me and I feel like a patient on an Ahlzheimers ward. I dont remember many of them--or at least not their names.
I think I've figured out alot of what has happened to me--and I did most of this to myself. I have come to the conclusion that if you have too many "start overs" or "reinventions" of your self in your lifetime , it starts to "wash away" some of the clarity in your mind.
I have "reinvented" myself to survive divorce, failures and pain all through my life and frankly I thought I was pretty amazing that I could use this ability to make it through one after another crappy situation. I thought I had a remarkable skill that made it possible for me to "bounce back" from anything over and over and over and over and over..........I think you get my point.
But I see now that with too many bounces, I have lost pieces of me along the way--maybe not lost completely--maybe just "put away" where I can't find them. I looked at so many faces yesterday and I put names with a few--a memory or two with others and complete blankness with many. I felt so little.
I passed by the open casket as we left the church and saw the body of my friend of my youth. He did not look like what I remembered and I realized even though he was dead, none of us looked like we did in our youth. That was gone, not just the appearance of youth but the feeling of joy that went with it. Too much pain is a thief. We are robbed of what makes us beautiful and it is not cosmetic. I have been robbed of that easy ability to feel and express what I feel.
Maybe I've shut things down too far and too long to go back to "normal", maybe just realizing this will put me back on track, maybe my writing will help as it did when I was in my youth with so many hopes and dreams.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Friends when your 50--OK I'm not quite 50!
I'm close enough to 50 to be referring to it on an accurate yet uncomfortable basis. Keep in mind that I am NOT one of those "can't admit my age" ladies by any means. I love this age! Old people think I'm young and sweet and young people think I'm old and wise---it's win/win as far as I'm concerned, but.....
One thing that is weird sometimes at 50 is friends. It was so easy when we were younger and had so much time to spend together--running around, talking all night, shopping, lunches, weekend trips of all kinds!! But over the years so much has changed. I still LOVE my friends, and I am blessed with many.
We take care of husbands, kids, pets and church obligations. We keep the money straight and the house livable. And maybe, just maybe we get our nails done! But we can always make time for a quick shout out to a friend! Believe me when I say they are so, so valuable.
Some old friends go back to High School or before and have seen enough to write a book or blackmail me OR both.
Some friends came along as life was progressing and saw first hand the trials and tribulations of starting a family. And sometimes failing. They have seen tears and laughter---success and failure. Looking back now , I can't remember which was which. We prayed together and buried parents side by side. Tough years.
Some friends are much, much newer! They too have stood by my side in tough times as I make a new life in another place. They also have prayed with me, delivered flowers for me, cussed with me, forgiven me and made plans for my childrens future with me. We too, have watched others pass.
You know who you are in Shawnee, Norman, Alabama, Texas, Del City and Purcell. We may not get as many lunches in as we would like, but we are there in spirit and a text away---day or night!
One thing that is weird sometimes at 50 is friends. It was so easy when we were younger and had so much time to spend together--running around, talking all night, shopping, lunches, weekend trips of all kinds!! But over the years so much has changed. I still LOVE my friends, and I am blessed with many.
We take care of husbands, kids, pets and church obligations. We keep the money straight and the house livable. And maybe, just maybe we get our nails done! But we can always make time for a quick shout out to a friend! Believe me when I say they are so, so valuable.
Some old friends go back to High School or before and have seen enough to write a book or blackmail me OR both.
Some friends came along as life was progressing and saw first hand the trials and tribulations of starting a family. And sometimes failing. They have seen tears and laughter---success and failure. Looking back now , I can't remember which was which. We prayed together and buried parents side by side. Tough years.
Some friends are much, much newer! They too have stood by my side in tough times as I make a new life in another place. They also have prayed with me, delivered flowers for me, cussed with me, forgiven me and made plans for my childrens future with me. We too, have watched others pass.
You know who you are in Shawnee, Norman, Alabama, Texas, Del City and Purcell. We may not get as many lunches in as we would like, but we are there in spirit and a text away---day or night!
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