I was starting to think that I was never going to get back to writing these, but HELLO blog friends!
This past week--dare I say the last month, ending with last week, has been a bit on the emotional side. And for those of you who know me, I am NOT afraid of emotions--good --bad, or otherwise!
But when you cram surgery,wedding, kidney stones, death and birth in a short amount of time, its really not surprising to feel a bit worn out. Don't get me wrong, the birth of our first granbaby has been an experience in a half! The biggest surprise ever and joy, joy, joy! Its like he's been here all along--just part of the family only cuter!
But all these emotions are like some kind of crazy adrenelin rush, that just will not stop. You can only say, "This too shall pass!" so many times and it starts to sound repeditive!!! In the grand scheme of things I know I am ok and eveyone close to me is too. But personally, I feel like we are on a life boat right now and are waiting to get to shore. I can SEE the shore but we are not there yet. Each of us have individual issues and for me(as usual) it is control. I need to make sure that all my little chicks are safely under my wings. This has always been my reaction to severe change--I guess I'll never change!
So for the near future my prayer is for a safe and simple life for myself and my family. We are surrounded by the love and support of so many family and friends that care for us. We will rest in that fact. We will enjoy the simple things in life like family dinners, a walk in the pasture and big hugs from friends.
As my youngest reminds me from time to time, "Breathe in peace, breathe out grace".
Monday, September 26, 2011
Monday, September 19, 2011
Monday!!
I'd be lying if I said that this Monday, like those of yore, did not have plenty of challenges! What is it about Mondays? Even when things go unbelievably well for the better half of the day, the other half just has to go KooKoo for Choco Puffs! (I love that saying)
Most of the day was a frenzy of errands with Missy in Norman, very productive--totally fun! I mean we knocked out a doctor appointment, breakfast, banking, shopping and even trying on potential prom dresses before noon. (And yes we know that the prom isn't until next spring, but you have got to try on great dresses when they pop up! Duh!) Claification, Missy tried on the prom dress.
Anyway, we must have jinxed the afternoon while we were driving home gloating over our success! Because the entire afternoon was one complication after another, nothing life changing but annoying never the less! Long story short, we lived. But dinner wasn't until 7:00, and I am weary of looking for this and that paperwork that I've misplaced.
Did I mention how much fun we had this morning? Sitting here recapping the day doesn't seem so bad when you have had a yummy dinner, the family is yucking it up in front of the TV, the daughter is working on scholarship essays, and even the chihauhaus are content.
Thats right! You haven't met the Chihauhaus!!
Most of the day was a frenzy of errands with Missy in Norman, very productive--totally fun! I mean we knocked out a doctor appointment, breakfast, banking, shopping and even trying on potential prom dresses before noon. (And yes we know that the prom isn't until next spring, but you have got to try on great dresses when they pop up! Duh!) Claification, Missy tried on the prom dress.
Anyway, we must have jinxed the afternoon while we were driving home gloating over our success! Because the entire afternoon was one complication after another, nothing life changing but annoying never the less! Long story short, we lived. But dinner wasn't until 7:00, and I am weary of looking for this and that paperwork that I've misplaced.
Did I mention how much fun we had this morning? Sitting here recapping the day doesn't seem so bad when you have had a yummy dinner, the family is yucking it up in front of the TV, the daughter is working on scholarship essays, and even the chihauhaus are content.
Thats right! You haven't met the Chihauhaus!!
Friday, September 16, 2011
Too many spinning plates.
Is it just me or are we spinning too many plates lately. If you asked my husband, he'd say that you could drop the "lately" and make it "always". My dear ol' departed dad would chime in with him I'm afraid! You know what I mean by plate spinning? The old Ed Sullivan Show had a guy on there sometimes that had about ten plates spinning on skinny poles--all at the same time. Crazy amazing and wild music through the whole act! Great visual for how I usually live my life.
But the truth is that I love a hectic life style--to an extent. I think there are alot of folks with me--especially women. Again, hubby would say "Just tone it down, step back, learn to say no". I guess I wouldn't really know where to begin with that. I think everything I do is important---or I wouldn't do it.
I've tried to be a perfectionist at so many things for so long. I'd never want to let anyone down. Martha makes it look easy, Paula makes it look fun, and now Ree makes it all look possible. (AHHHH!)
Maybe that would help---just a good ol' primal scream!!! Tonight I'll take the plates off their spinning poles and put them in a tidy little stack. Then I'll sit back and do some thinkin'.
Or maybe I'll just buy some new plates.
But the truth is that I love a hectic life style--to an extent. I think there are alot of folks with me--especially women. Again, hubby would say "Just tone it down, step back, learn to say no". I guess I wouldn't really know where to begin with that. I think everything I do is important---or I wouldn't do it.
I've tried to be a perfectionist at so many things for so long. I'd never want to let anyone down. Martha makes it look easy, Paula makes it look fun, and now Ree makes it all look possible. (AHHHH!)
Maybe that would help---just a good ol' primal scream!!! Tonight I'll take the plates off their spinning poles and put them in a tidy little stack. Then I'll sit back and do some thinkin'.
Or maybe I'll just buy some new plates.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
All My Children
Yesterday I filled out the biography part of this blog site and I made reference to "all my children". These wacky and wonderful folks are the topic of my blog today.
First of all I seem to have a knack to pick men with kids! And if you knew me back in my twenties, when the kid thing began, you would say, "Abolutely, positively, NO WAY!" The truth of the matter was that I was terrified of kids. They represented an innocent, truthful way of approaching the world that I simply was not or never had been in touch with. They wanted the REAL you. Well thats a little problem I've had my whole life(but I'm working on-it never too late). So, to say the least, kids made me uncormfortable!
Enter "The Burrough Trio"! So if your scared of kids, get three! Yeah, that will work. Actually it did. When Brian and his kids came into my life, frankly the amount of work for three children, 4 and under got my mind off of my silly hang-ups! But I was lost. First I tried to work it like they were a herd of something and that did not work! News flash--3 persons--3 personalities--3 different likes--3 different dislikes--3 different ways at looking at the world. OK this is better. I can do this.
Andy's the oldest and he was always trying to help me in monutenal ways---he carried more--he got on to the kids and he was very serious and compassionate about others. And he loved and still loves football. I knew I liked that kid! He and I were always honest with each other and that may be why to this day he is one of my favorite people. He doesn't live close to us so his visits are precious and fun. I love his hugs--real rib squishers!
Keith is the next Burrough kid in line and such a sweetie. Keith was the little wide-eyed, classic kid. He loved to play and look at bugs and watch cartoons. He was running buddy to Andy and best friend to little sister Pam. And when he came to live with us full time for a while, I had know idea what a wonderful gift I had been given. It truly afforded me the rare opportunity to get to know my step son in a different way. It was more than what he liked to eat. I saw him fight thru challenges in school, make new friends, become a teenager with a social life and even a couple of broken hearts from girlfriends. And when I needed him to help with his baby sister, he was always there making it fun for her. When you live with someone, you live with their successes and their failures, what a blessing. He lives on the east coast and we pray he makes his permanent home alot closer.
Pamela was the baby girl but she handled the boys with an iron fist--literally. Oh the stories I could tell--but I won't Pam! I never had to worried about her being victimized by the boys or anyone else. I met her when she was 18 months old and she could "hold her own" even at that age. Pam isn't just a surviver, she a champ. She makes the most of the situations in her life with a powerful determination. Whether its taking care of her Army husband, baby boy or plans for the future, Pam is up front with it all. But the sweetest memories of her was the time she spent close to my mother, the quiet side of Pam, learning from the older generation. She too is farther away than we would like.
So life goes on and I actually make a baby of my own--not by myself---thank you Brian! But I'll save her for last. Life has its twists and turns, ups and downs and looky there--another man with kids!!! Who'd a thunk it? Like the way I transitioned that? Men are another blog-yikes!
So here is this brown eyed girl in front of me with hair down to her waist and she's looking at me like---"ok who are you and whats this going to be like?" Amber LaVon has grown up before my eyes on a roller coaster ride that would leave most people weak in the knees. Situations and events in her life have been tough in many places but she is surrounded by love in every direction. Love WILL see you through. She fell in love with my baby the day they met, she is a fierce big sister to her and her younger brother, but she has a heart that is almost too soft for her own good. Almost---I wouldnt change it for the world. So she marries the best "good 'ol boy" that I've ever met and is ready to deliver our first grandbaby any day. If you stay the course, good things WILL happen, she's proof!
Michael came as a package with Amber. He was shy and unsure of himself and has challenges every day that we cannot imagine dealing with. But he has always been willing to try. His dad and I have worked tireously to give him any assistance he needs to make his way in the world, but his family makes the biggest difference. When he needed speech pathology years ago, we all loaded up and drove to Norman, girls at gymnastics, Mike at speech and dinner out! When Mike wanted to play Little League Football, we all loaded up, Amber with homework, Missy playing with friends and Dad and I even loading the dog up for practise. And OMG, the friends he made in football. We all had a blast. His sisters cut him no slack and thats what he needs. Whether its Amber keeping him in line or Missy making sure his outfit matches those girls have his back, they always have. Now he's in highschool, CRAZY about basketball (football was too hot!) and dying to get a job. Not exactly shy and unsure anymore, huh? The sky is the limit for Big Mike and we will support him wherever life takes him.
So along the way, I did add my own creation to this mix, Missy. I could write about her all day and probably will at some point. But today I'll narrow it down a bit! Not only is she the love of my life but I treasure my relationship with her each and everyday. I love to experience her life as she continues on. She's like me and she's not! And those similarities and differences make it a blast! I also love her individual relationships that she has with each sibling. They have their ups and down, fights and fun, but she deeply loves each of them in their unique way. She loves being the baby of the family but nobody babies Missy! Even when she was a baby! She is the most amazing person I've ever known and she cracks me up at least ten times a day. I am so grateful that because of her, I am bridged to all these other children in a strong and vital way. Hard to explain in words, but we are all linked together.
I've had people ask me how you can love children that are not your own biologically, and I tell them I really don't know for sure. I do know that I was adopted as a baby and was loved like I was their own and whether my children are step or "formally" step(I don't know the politically correct term) or biological, all children need love and acceptance. We just don't need to make it any harder than that.
First of all I seem to have a knack to pick men with kids! And if you knew me back in my twenties, when the kid thing began, you would say, "Abolutely, positively, NO WAY!" The truth of the matter was that I was terrified of kids. They represented an innocent, truthful way of approaching the world that I simply was not or never had been in touch with. They wanted the REAL you. Well thats a little problem I've had my whole life(but I'm working on-it never too late). So, to say the least, kids made me uncormfortable!
Enter "The Burrough Trio"! So if your scared of kids, get three! Yeah, that will work. Actually it did. When Brian and his kids came into my life, frankly the amount of work for three children, 4 and under got my mind off of my silly hang-ups! But I was lost. First I tried to work it like they were a herd of something and that did not work! News flash--3 persons--3 personalities--3 different likes--3 different dislikes--3 different ways at looking at the world. OK this is better. I can do this.
Andy's the oldest and he was always trying to help me in monutenal ways---he carried more--he got on to the kids and he was very serious and compassionate about others. And he loved and still loves football. I knew I liked that kid! He and I were always honest with each other and that may be why to this day he is one of my favorite people. He doesn't live close to us so his visits are precious and fun. I love his hugs--real rib squishers!
Keith is the next Burrough kid in line and such a sweetie. Keith was the little wide-eyed, classic kid. He loved to play and look at bugs and watch cartoons. He was running buddy to Andy and best friend to little sister Pam. And when he came to live with us full time for a while, I had know idea what a wonderful gift I had been given. It truly afforded me the rare opportunity to get to know my step son in a different way. It was more than what he liked to eat. I saw him fight thru challenges in school, make new friends, become a teenager with a social life and even a couple of broken hearts from girlfriends. And when I needed him to help with his baby sister, he was always there making it fun for her. When you live with someone, you live with their successes and their failures, what a blessing. He lives on the east coast and we pray he makes his permanent home alot closer.
Pamela was the baby girl but she handled the boys with an iron fist--literally. Oh the stories I could tell--but I won't Pam! I never had to worried about her being victimized by the boys or anyone else. I met her when she was 18 months old and she could "hold her own" even at that age. Pam isn't just a surviver, she a champ. She makes the most of the situations in her life with a powerful determination. Whether its taking care of her Army husband, baby boy or plans for the future, Pam is up front with it all. But the sweetest memories of her was the time she spent close to my mother, the quiet side of Pam, learning from the older generation. She too is farther away than we would like.
So life goes on and I actually make a baby of my own--not by myself---thank you Brian! But I'll save her for last. Life has its twists and turns, ups and downs and looky there--another man with kids!!! Who'd a thunk it? Like the way I transitioned that? Men are another blog-yikes!
So here is this brown eyed girl in front of me with hair down to her waist and she's looking at me like---"ok who are you and whats this going to be like?" Amber LaVon has grown up before my eyes on a roller coaster ride that would leave most people weak in the knees. Situations and events in her life have been tough in many places but she is surrounded by love in every direction. Love WILL see you through. She fell in love with my baby the day they met, she is a fierce big sister to her and her younger brother, but she has a heart that is almost too soft for her own good. Almost---I wouldnt change it for the world. So she marries the best "good 'ol boy" that I've ever met and is ready to deliver our first grandbaby any day. If you stay the course, good things WILL happen, she's proof!
Michael came as a package with Amber. He was shy and unsure of himself and has challenges every day that we cannot imagine dealing with. But he has always been willing to try. His dad and I have worked tireously to give him any assistance he needs to make his way in the world, but his family makes the biggest difference. When he needed speech pathology years ago, we all loaded up and drove to Norman, girls at gymnastics, Mike at speech and dinner out! When Mike wanted to play Little League Football, we all loaded up, Amber with homework, Missy playing with friends and Dad and I even loading the dog up for practise. And OMG, the friends he made in football. We all had a blast. His sisters cut him no slack and thats what he needs. Whether its Amber keeping him in line or Missy making sure his outfit matches those girls have his back, they always have. Now he's in highschool, CRAZY about basketball (football was too hot!) and dying to get a job. Not exactly shy and unsure anymore, huh? The sky is the limit for Big Mike and we will support him wherever life takes him.
So along the way, I did add my own creation to this mix, Missy. I could write about her all day and probably will at some point. But today I'll narrow it down a bit! Not only is she the love of my life but I treasure my relationship with her each and everyday. I love to experience her life as she continues on. She's like me and she's not! And those similarities and differences make it a blast! I also love her individual relationships that she has with each sibling. They have their ups and down, fights and fun, but she deeply loves each of them in their unique way. She loves being the baby of the family but nobody babies Missy! Even when she was a baby! She is the most amazing person I've ever known and she cracks me up at least ten times a day. I am so grateful that because of her, I am bridged to all these other children in a strong and vital way. Hard to explain in words, but we are all linked together.
I've had people ask me how you can love children that are not your own biologically, and I tell them I really don't know for sure. I do know that I was adopted as a baby and was loved like I was their own and whether my children are step or "formally" step(I don't know the politically correct term) or biological, all children need love and acceptance. We just don't need to make it any harder than that.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Time off.
I dare say it may be a bit ambitious to think I can do this everyday, but for a while I think it would help to get the habit established! I only have about a week and a half left with a cast on my leg after foot surgery. The time has been filled much differently than I had expected.
I imagined weeks and weeks of emptiness with just my list of "computer to-dos" to keep me busy. Don't get me wrong, this has certainly been different and I have made a HUGE dent on the list(I alsways have a list). But the first week I was sick(lingering from the surgery or viruses) and actually passed out from dehydration! (OK --didn't plan on any of that) Got it together just in time to attend a fabulous family wedding (thank you Jesus! Seriously!). Then a couple days later I passed a kidney stone---yes I said kidney stone! One minute I was having a great dinner with the family and an hour later my side felt like I had been hit by a mortar shell! One quick trip to the ER, a couple of pain pills and I haven't felt a thing since. OK--that was interesting.
But just when it looked like all was smoothing out, my mother-in-law passed away. It wasn't like it was a surprise, we had all prayed for it. Because as a family, along with many friends, we had learned that there are far worse fates than death. She truly suffered those last few months and it was unbearable to watch.
It has felt so strange that I have not shed a tear since her death. But I know that she and I shared many tears. Somedays it was one of us or the other, but on several occasions it was both. Given her medical conditions, I have no way of knowing if those tears were of a consoling nature or not but I do know that she and I, after all this time together felt comfortable enough to let our guard down.
Being the "second" daught-in-law, much farther down the road, I did not have the benefit of knowing this amazing woman in her prime. But it was an honor and a true learning experience to be by her side for these last 5 years. Strength and knowledge are bestowed on others in curious and silent ways. It leads us down paths we do not know and cannot navigate easily. Thanks you Catherine for taking my bossy hand and teaching me to calmly care, nurture and maintain.
I imagined weeks and weeks of emptiness with just my list of "computer to-dos" to keep me busy. Don't get me wrong, this has certainly been different and I have made a HUGE dent on the list(I alsways have a list). But the first week I was sick(lingering from the surgery or viruses) and actually passed out from dehydration! (OK --didn't plan on any of that) Got it together just in time to attend a fabulous family wedding (thank you Jesus! Seriously!). Then a couple days later I passed a kidney stone---yes I said kidney stone! One minute I was having a great dinner with the family and an hour later my side felt like I had been hit by a mortar shell! One quick trip to the ER, a couple of pain pills and I haven't felt a thing since. OK--that was interesting.
But just when it looked like all was smoothing out, my mother-in-law passed away. It wasn't like it was a surprise, we had all prayed for it. Because as a family, along with many friends, we had learned that there are far worse fates than death. She truly suffered those last few months and it was unbearable to watch.
It has felt so strange that I have not shed a tear since her death. But I know that she and I shared many tears. Somedays it was one of us or the other, but on several occasions it was both. Given her medical conditions, I have no way of knowing if those tears were of a consoling nature or not but I do know that she and I, after all this time together felt comfortable enough to let our guard down.
Being the "second" daught-in-law, much farther down the road, I did not have the benefit of knowing this amazing woman in her prime. But it was an honor and a true learning experience to be by her side for these last 5 years. Strength and knowledge are bestowed on others in curious and silent ways. It leads us down paths we do not know and cannot navigate easily. Thanks you Catherine for taking my bossy hand and teaching me to calmly care, nurture and maintain.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Who know getting started AGAIN would be this difficult?
For the majority of my youth, I truly believed that , in one way or another, I was destined to write. I didn't know the exact path, but I would go to college (OU of course,duh!) and then make my way in the world as an author of some kind. I would work in this creative super world that I had always dreamed of. I would own a huge farm house with billowing curtains, a small family living on the outskirts of the property to help me with the upkeep, an enourmous pool and deck to relax by, and a daily feeling of drive, challenge and accomplishment that would surround me each and everyday.
Nice plan--didn't happen--I'll get to that later--perhaps. But I've tried to get back on course on more than one occasion--still not quite there, but I cannot seem to give up on the idea in one shape or form completely. Time is ticking in this ol' life and I cannot bear regrets!! I know I'm getting older--I own mirrors! But I still feel like that girl in 1981 that thought it was all going to fall into place! Newsflash! Nothing falls into place--it doesn't even stay in place when we put it there. But alas, I know that I still want to write and I still don't know in what way or form.
So until that works it self out I have writing projects underway. More on that later(and why). My daughter is my inspiration, I am her self appointed "Momager" in her life to get her to where she needs to be in life. And I have found it a bit hollow sounding as I bark out advice and instruction that I not follow those rantings myself.
Each of my three project has a different medium and a different objective. This blog will serve as my "rant", "sharing" or "confessional". This is an exercise to write more, think more and organize those thoughts like (I dare say this) a professional writer. I've got to try and I've got to start somewhere. Working the brain muscle is going to suck for a while but I hope that this proves addictive for me!
Say a pray for me!
Nice plan--didn't happen--I'll get to that later--perhaps. But I've tried to get back on course on more than one occasion--still not quite there, but I cannot seem to give up on the idea in one shape or form completely. Time is ticking in this ol' life and I cannot bear regrets!! I know I'm getting older--I own mirrors! But I still feel like that girl in 1981 that thought it was all going to fall into place! Newsflash! Nothing falls into place--it doesn't even stay in place when we put it there. But alas, I know that I still want to write and I still don't know in what way or form.
So until that works it self out I have writing projects underway. More on that later(and why). My daughter is my inspiration, I am her self appointed "Momager" in her life to get her to where she needs to be in life. And I have found it a bit hollow sounding as I bark out advice and instruction that I not follow those rantings myself.
Each of my three project has a different medium and a different objective. This blog will serve as my "rant", "sharing" or "confessional". This is an exercise to write more, think more and organize those thoughts like (I dare say this) a professional writer. I've got to try and I've got to start somewhere. Working the brain muscle is going to suck for a while but I hope that this proves addictive for me!
Say a pray for me!
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